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Mammogram policy should be set by science, not sentiment

Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius did a marvelous job last week of undermining the move toward evidence-based medicine with her hasty and cowardly disavowal of a recommendation from her department's own task force that women under 50 are probably better off not getting routine annual mammograms. Rather than showing the leadership necessary to lead a grown-up national discussion on how to eliminate unnecessary or wasteful procedures, Sebelius simply disowned the task force and ran for political cover. The mammogram brouhaha is likely to set back efforts to dramatically increase research into what really works and what doesn't, and use the results to revamp the way medical care is delivered and paid for.

'Pippa Lee' autobiographical? Not so, says its writer-director

In "The Private Lives of Pippa Lee," opening Friday, the title character finds herself at a crossroads, bristling at the rather staid, low-impact life she has fashioned for herself as the wife of a prominent publisher after her more trauma- and drama-filled younger years. The film, written and directed by Rebecca Miller, cycles back and forth between Pippa's older and younger selves (played by Robin Wright and Blake Lively, respectively), creating an intimately detailed portrait of how events from the past form the foundations of who one becomes. Miller adapted the script from her own novel.

An anonymous complaint about her driving threatens an elderly woman's independence

GULFPORT When it was time to go to the grocery store, Elizabeth Garrett needed 35 minutes just to get from the kitchen to her car. Here's what she did to get herself behind the wheel: Used all the strength in both arms to raise herself out of kitchen chair. Walked haltingly behind aluminum walker to scooter.

Charitable donations through water utility payments needs a quick answer

Pasco County commissioners want county water customers to help finance their charitable giving. It's a sound idea that would allow the public to voluntarily contribute pennies each month to be distributed once a year to 18 agencies helping the jobless, seniors, at-risk children and other people in need. The idea from Commissioner Ted Schrader — if it can overcome obstacles from the commission's own staff — is modeled after a similar program from the Withlacoochee River Electric Cooperative.

Program provides help to doctors with addictions

Just like everyone else, doctors need help when an addiction takes control of their lives, says Dr. Merlin Kilbury, the associate director of a statewide program that provides that assistance. Sponsored by the Oklahoma State Medical Association, the Health Professionals Program assists and monitors physicians and other health-care professionals who are addicted to drugs, alcohol or pornography, or who have committed sexual misconduct or have anger issues.

The Lachish Ewer and Judah's Evil King Manasseh

Pictured above is the famous Lachish Ewer. This vessel, if I understood this properly, was found in, or near, a Hebrew Temple in the Judean city of Lachish, dating from 1,300 BC. The Lachish Ewer is significant for many reasons, not the least of which is archaeological evidence of pagan worship of Asherah in the Lord's temple from the time of the evil King Manasseh.

Thanksgiving Cooking Help from Average Jane

A few year ago, I gathered all of my favorite Thanksgiving recipes into a single PDF and shared it with my readers. This year I have updated the booklet, fixed the most egregious typos, changed the format and added an...

Thankful thoughts

He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has. ~Epictetus I’m grateful for so much this year, but topping my gratitude list right now is the happy thought of my son flying in from Chicago to visit us for the Thanksgiving holiday. [...]

Life Walking - VloMo 2009

The Yahoo Videoblogging Group 30 Vloggers, 30 Day Challenge is that each person draws inspiration from the video created the day before. Adam Quirk created Death In the Morning

Death in the Morning from Adam Quirk on Vimeo.

In honor of (Inter)National Videoblogging Posting Month this is my contribution to Day 21 for November 2009. This is my answer video, Life Walking 2009:

This video is a mixture of what my original goal was, to get out and see life. Pulled in more directions but I hope to get back to doing more point and record slice of life videos.

It is not the video I envisioned. It is ok. I'm good with it. My butt hurts, I've sat in this chair too long. It is a mixture of current and past videos I created.

My main goal was to get out of the Bone yard. I don't like death. Not worried about the beyond because I'm good for an adventure or two whether it is a flicker of last light or a new dimension.

I don't hate it or fear Death. I just don't like the process. The pain that is required to grow and go on as a human being is often too much. But what are the choices?

Perhaps a ramble for another time. For more independent and not corporate videos check out the action at http://videobloggers.mirocommunity.org.

The Spider And You (Or This Is Your Brain On Drugs: A Cautionary Tale)

My sister sent this to me the other day with a note saying "hysterical". It is.
Enjoy.

Oprah Does it Her Way

When the queen of Daytime TV announced this week that she would end her show on September 9, 2011 after 25 years on the air, it came as no surprise to me. I actually knew this information several months ago---thanks to an interview I did with a woman who spent a year on the Oprah Show back in 2006. Lisa Bradley told me back in May that Oprah was ending her show in 2011 and she said it again when she spoke as the Luncheon Keynote Speaker for the kick-off of our Boomer Diva Nation Conference just last month.

For a quarter of a century, Oprah has introduced us to some of the most interesting guests. She has also given us an up close and personal look into the lives of some of our favorite celebrities. The Talk Show Diva has also proven that she can turn an average person into a household name (Iyanla Van Zant, Dr. Oz, Dr. Phil) and turn writers into best selling authors---even when they didn't deserve it (remember James Frey?)

Meanwhile, her critics are saying she's lost much of her appeal--due largely in part to the fact that she endorsed Barack Obama for President. Some in the African-American community have accused her of selling out to please White America. Well, you can say what you want about Oprah but the truth of the matter is, her name is associated with power and influence and this baby boomer EARNED every bit of it without a government bailout.

25% Return on Investment Courtesy of Coinstar

From the people who charge you 8.9% to count your loose change comes the best deal you will see this year. Take your coins to Coinstar, select that you want to redeem your coins for a certificate from a participating retailer, and Coinstar will send you a $10 rebate. There is a $40 minimum to get the [...]

And the Poets Trembled, Reading Their Works

I joined Blip.fm so I could share music easily on Twitter and was brave enough to upload "And then the Rain God Screamed for Love" with me on spoken word vocal, words by Aberjhani, and music by Rahkyt after seeing my old friend William F. Devault was uploading his. I say brave because it's always scary to put your voice out there, even if it's simply speaking and not singing. In this day of high

Acceptance and Absolutes

Exploring the manner that two values which are both held as crucial by folks I know form a pair with a unique tension between them… The first is an adherence to absolutes. The second is acceptance. Absolutism taken to extremes leads to rigid judgments. Acceptance taken to extremes tends to shy away from the work creative [...]

Goat Thing of the Day: A 1927 Cutie in Los Angeles

There I was, at Iron Steaks bar, just off Broadway in Sacramento. It was a gathering of writer types. When from out of the sea of people my new friend Russell who has a website called SugarLump or The Sweetest Thing Living, I'm not really sure which, approached with a framed photograph.

"I have something for you...," he said.

Oh boy! Finally someone was going to give me a million dollars! Woo-hoo!

"This is my dad," he said, showing me a black and white photograph.

Oh.

Oh! With a goat!

This was what they clogged the San Diego freeway with back then.

"Is there a story behind this?" I asked him.

"I don't know the story. Only that he's three or four years old in that picture and it was taken in 1927 in Los Angeles."

"I will return this to you," I told him.

"Oh no, that's a copy I made for you."

"But the frame..."

"Oh, please. Ninety-nine cents at Walgreens."

I love you people.

Arizona Neighborhood Fights Church on Feeding Homeless

A neigh orhood in Arizona wants a United Methodist Church to stop feeding the homeless. The neighborhood leader on the video says the church should give a hand up not a handout, and it sounds like he's exaggerated some of the claims against the homeless people because he doesn't want them in his neighborhood. I understand the argument that the church may be violating a city zoning ordinance;

The Easy Way to Stop Smoking is The Best Way to Quit Smoking

There are many ways to quit smoking cigarettes, and since I finally quit smoking, I’m here to tell you that the best way to quit smoking is by what I believe to be the easy way to quit once and for all. Any smoker who wants to quit smoking cigarettes (and those who don’t want [...]

Who put the bar all the way up there?

Some day, maybe I’ll learn how to not set ridiculously high goals for myself.

I’ve spent the last few weekends filming “Mastermind”, the one act play I directed over the summer about the amnesiac who thinks he just might be a supervillain. It’s been going incredibly well. Beth is so beautiful and feisty and incredible as Liz. And Brad as JD is by far one of the most talented and vulnerable actors I have ever worked with. They have been breaking my heart as I edit and making me so excited to get this project out into the world for everyone to see.

However, we got behind because I set very high goals as to what we could get shot and we fell short. Not unexpected and not unusual. And we’ve been shooting with natural light so we are victims of the sun. Last week, we needed just one more hour of sun and we didn’t get it.

So today, we shoot that last hour, break, then start at 8 PM until god knows when, nap, then setart again at noon in Mastermind’s lair (which I can’t wait for!) and shoot till we’re dead. We also have some short promos to do to get y’all excited about seeing “Mastermind” in all its glory.

I had an amazing rehearsal with Brad yesterday as the new and improved Mastermind on crack. I’m excited because he’s really ratcheted up the creepy, scary, crazy factor without going too far and I think it’s going to translate beautifully on film (video).

But I’ve lost my director of photography to a paid gig. He was amazing and shot so quick and got to much it’s incredible. I’m short of crew. Don’t have the “hostages” I need for the bank scene. Kind of the usual stuff guerrilla filmmakers go through.

But what has me up and writing this morning is that I’m scared. And I realized that I’m not afraid of not finishing. That’s not an issue. We will finish… somehow. The cast and crew may not be happy with me when we’re done but we’ll be done. I’m afraid about shooting it myself because Los did such an amazing job and I’m not sure I can match him.

But what’s really making me afraid is that I’m afraid I’ll disappoint. I’m afraid that this is going to be the one that I’m going to absolutely tank on and be proved for the fraud that I am. That without a brilliant DP, I’m nothing. Without someone else calling the shots and guiding me, I suck. And that I’m going to let down mostly Brad and Beth because they have put as much into this as I have. Maybe more, in some ways, because as actors, it’s their hearts and souls that are up there on the screen.

I’ve been trained that to disappoint is the gravest of all sins. Fail, sure, that’s expected. Drop the ball, well, duh, that’s what you do. Disappoint. Oh, shit. The world will come to an end if you don’t outshine, outsmart, outperform everyone else.

And with every project, that fear grows. With every project, I work with people whose talent takes mine up a notch. Which just makes the expectation even greater and the potential for disappointment even higher.

This project is one of those special ones. The play was the sentimental favorite of “Hurricane Season” at Eclectic Company Theatre this year, if I do say so myself. And it worked so well and was such an incredible experience that I feel like I have to top that. I have gained two fantastic friends out of it and they have put their trust in my hands. If this project comes out the way I want to, I think it could be something truly amazing.

But the clowns are circling their cars and honking their horns and screaming obscenities at me. Who am I to expect that something I do will succeed? Despite recent evidence to the contrary. I am going to let all these talented people down and, as always, I will be left with no one there. They will leave me, as all the other wonderful, talented and special people have done. Because I will disappoint them, as I apparently have done with the other beautiful people who are no longer in my life. I can’t possibly live up to this expectation.

And it’s also the thought that I’ll disappoint Brad. There’s something about the men in my life -- the truly special men in my life -- that makes me even more afraid that I’m going to do something wrong and disappoint them. Because that means I’ll lose them, which I guess has proven to be true. I let both my ex-husbands down in some way, otherwise why we would not still be together? I’ve somehow disappointed the OOMA and the pieces of my heart because they are no longer either. It terrifies me that I am going to once again do something and lose this muse, this very talented, beautiful man and lose him as a friend as well.

So I’m trying to not let the fear eat at me today as I go. I have to teach three classes before we start today so I’ve got all that time to obsess on how much I’m going to disappoint everyone. I’m not sure how to battle that. I’m trying to just metaphorically keep my head down and stay focused, just looking at one thing at a time instead of trying to absorb the entire weekend. Just breathe and focus. Breathe and focus. Breathe and focus.

We’ll see how that works.

i don't even know who i am anymore

You like? It's my 18 inch pink Christmas tree on my desk. J11 decorated it. Tomorrow I'll show you my six foot white Christmas tree that's going up in my bedroom.

When we get back from the beach we'll be putting the live tree up in the living room.

This afternoon we're going back to the craft store to buy the boy's 18 inch trees for their room.

I don't know who I am anymore.

I've always pretty much disliked the holidays. Dreaded them. OK, at moments hated them.

Yes, it is all tied into my childhood. No, I am not going to bore you with all that.

I think I'm done with that.

I KNOW. That. Is. Huge. To say the least.

Maybe it's the Lexapro. Maybe it's all the yoga. Maybe it's the journaling. Maybe Stacie is just wearing me down with all her retro cheer.

Whatever. I'm so excited about Christmas, more than I ever have been. And I gotta say, kinda feels good.

Friday Links Variety Show (November 20, 2009)

Do you have to live in an RV in order to retire early? Bicyclists: here’s a blogger who says running red lights is not safe (I think it is safe in certain circumstances) A sweet little video about a New York woman who travels to chilly Gloucester, Mass., harbor in the middle of November just to take [...]

Average Jane's Caturday Feature: Velvet

Velvet doesn't have a cool name like the rest of our cats because we foolishly thought she might be accustomed to her shelter name when we got her. I think she knows it now, but we missed our chance to...

A Life Well Lived

As I mentioned in yesterday's short post, we took the shorter but longer way home. That's not a contradiction: although shorter in miles, it was longer in time. And made longer by the fact that we stopped to take photos.

At an intersection along Route 18 Larry noticed a sign that said "winery." Really? I knew of no winery in Doddridge County, so of course I wanted to find it. We turned and drove a short distance, and, unsure of where we were going, stopped to ask a gentleman working by the road if there was indeed a winery in the area.

That led to one of the most enjoyable conversations I've had in some time. Dale, at 83 years old, was busy cleaning out a building for a friend so that he could tear it down and use the poles it contained to build a garage for his granddaughter. His house had already attracted my attention and my camera; he told us that the home had belonged to his wife's parents and when it came up for sale, he returned to West Virginia to buy it.

Dale and his wife ran off to Virginia to get married when they were very young, and over the years he'd worked at several different jobs including a steel mill and a maintenance worker, eventually moving to Warren, Ohio where they stayed for 22 years. When they returned to West Virginia he started a new career as a bus driver and drove until he was in his mid-sixties, finally taking an early retirement.

But retirement for Dale didn't mean that he stopped working. He is constantly busy with projects, as attested to when we saw him. He and his wife will be married for 61 years on Monday.

We spent 30 minutes in conversation. Dale told us "You people made my day." He certainly made ours. People like Dale are what make West Virginia what it is: they're not afraid to talk to strangers, always interested in learning something new, and don't flinch at hard work. What a man. It was an honor to meet him.

The winery? After another 20 minutes drove, we found it: closed.It's only open on the weekends. But if not for their sign by the road, we would not have ventured up that road, and we wouldn't have met Dale. So the winery did us a service, altough they missed us as customers.

Camera Fever

I've already remembered/relearned so much from my long lost photography days. I'm loving my new camera. I've been so busy I haven't had nearly enough time to play with it yet, but I'm sneaking in a few minutes each day...

In medias res

I. I am on an island 8000 miles from home, looking after my mother’s house, a bulimic cat, and two toy poodles. A wind storm has knocked out the power all over the island. The wind blew so hard that it broke the brand new dock, and the ferry captains are refusing to carry cars after dark. My [...]

A Good Death

(This post first appeared on BlogHer.com)

The father of a friend of mine died recently. Here’s how it happened. She was driving home from a board meeting thinking about the finishing touches that she needed to put on a grant. Her cell phone rang. It was her brother telling her that her father wasn’t feeling well. He’d been a bit under the weather. She rushed to his home. He was talkative and joking. A couple of hours later, he had a heart-attack and died surrounded by his children and other family members.

"He died the way he wanted to,” she said. “He was very vocal about not wanting to suffer or be a burden to the family. He was adamant about not having a long, slow death caught in the grip of Alzheimer’s disease like his wife had been.” While my friend M misses her father dearly, she, too, is glad that he had “a good death.”

I think about death every day but not morbidly. I think about it mostly because I read obituaries in the paper. Reading obituaries introduces me to people I’d never have known about otherwise. There are so many wonderful people in the world. Some of them have great accomplishments and have won accolades. Others of them were ordinary people whose small accomplishments supported their families and their communities.

Obituaries often tell how people lived their lives. One woman who’d loved to garden was restricted in her nineties to a wheelchair and so she had her garden beds raised so that she could tend to them from the wheelchair. Another woman taught into her eighties and continued to tutor after that. A gentle-man worked at his law office every day until he died. A 19-year-old felled by ovarian cancer spent her last months cramming all sorts of loving activities in and awakened in her family a zest for living. While the deaths of children and young people sadden me deeply because they are or feel before their time, they are no less instructive about how to live.

Marilyn Johnson, a former obituary writer, celebrates the cult and culture of obituaries in her riveting book, The Dead Beat: Lost Souls, Lucky Stiffs, and the Perverse Pleasures of Obituaries.

There are dozens of examples of inspired obituaries as well as stories from the annual conference of obituary writers. An example from the book shows that obituaries can be humorous:

"Selma Koch, a Manhattan store owner who earned a national reputation by helping women find the right bra size, mostly through a discerning glance and never with a tape measure, died Thursday at Mount Sinai Medical Center. She was 95 and a 34B."

Another book about obituaries has gotten great reviews, although I haven’t read it and therefore can’t personally vouch for it: OBIT. Inspiring Stories of Ordinary People who Led Extraordinary Lives by Jim Sheeler

A good death. If I must die (I say this seriously because up until about 10 years ago, I’d convinced myself that I wasn’t going to die) I hope to have a good death. Would that it be peaceful. Would that it also be scandal-free. Recently, certain high profile deaths also got me to thinking about the notion of having “a good death.” A refrain from a hymn often sung in the church I grew up goes like this:

I wouldn’t be a sinner.
Tell you the reason why
When my master called me
I wouldn’t be ready to die.

For some people, the ways they die overshadows who they were and what they may have accomplished. The deaths of singer, Michael Jackson, actor David Carradine, and Anna Nicole Smith, struck me in this way. Mr. Carradine’s death was not a good death at all caught as he was in a private sexual act that to my mind is unseemly for any age but most especially for a man in his seventies.

His and other “not good deaths” get me to thinking about things I’ve done that I wouldn’t want to be my parting act or part of my lasting legacy. (I dare not share them here.)

2009 is the 40th anniversary of the publication “On Death and Dying” written by Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, psychiatrist, who passed in 2004. This groundbreaking classic and best-seller outlined the "five psychological stages of dying" (denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance. Throughout the 1970's, Dr. Kübler-Ross led hundreds of workshops and spoke to standing-room-only crowds throughout the world. Always outspoken, her work challenged the medical profession to change its view of dying patients and advanced many important concepts such as living wills, home health care, and helping patients to die with dignity and respect.

In preparing my living will and health care proxy, I had a conversation with my sister and found out that she wants all life-extension methods employed while I want no extraordinary measure taken if there is not chance for me to have quality of life. “I plan to wear out, not rust out” my sister always says as she lives with the demands of lupus.

BlogHer contributing editor, Megan, on "Sometimes Out of Death Comes Life: Happy Birthday Megan's Minute" writes about a friend's death that inspired her to start blogging as a way of sharing her writing. Another post on BlogHer, End-of-Life Care: Working within the Laws Nature by Caregiving begins with these profound words:

"This is hard to hear, but important to know: When caring for an aging relative, you are helping a family member die well. The process of helping someone to die well begins early on in your caregiving journey. It begins when you first hear a diagnosis. Or, when you first notice that your mother just isn’t able to keep up the house as well as she used to. Or, when you celebrate your grandmother’s 95th birthday and wonder: Where did the time go?."

Angelina on her blog, Dustpan Alley, asks How do you Mourn Death?

She writes:

It also reminds us that no one lives forever. We will all have our time in the sun and then we will move on. This is a non-denominational truth. It 100% doesn't matter what your spiritual beliefs are: we all die and whatever happens in that instant isn't about god or atheism or beliefs. Death does not require you to believe anything. It just is. It is.

And continues:

The message of life and the message of death are almost indistinguishable. Like identical twins who learn to speak and dress differently but who, when stripped down to bones, were still split from a single cell. Life and death were split from a single cell too.

I apologize for the rambling nature of this piece but I am now ready to go back to my original point - a good death - I hope I have one and I hope that I will be ready when my time comes.

Koop Island Blues on the Finally Friday Freakout

Here I am waiting on a man. Time is ticking and the truth is out there, so they say. Time to jump off the grid and try a new stroke. Never heard of these folks before so that is as good a reason to have them on the Freakout. This is Koop and Koop Island Blues.

Actually I just want to kick back and stop being a grown-up. Past couple of weeks it has been a drag. Worst part about today? That fracken radio station jumped the gun and started that dang blasted Xmas music. It is in the stores. Office radios. Unexpected places.

November 20th is not anywhere near Turkey Day. This is evil, pure and simple. I'm not in the spirit. I haven't even had any Corn Bread stuffing or gravy or had the lumpy versus smooth potato debate. I'm not sure I even want Turkey.

I'm thinking some ribs or a shrimp bonanza or something. Plus veggies or maybe a Bittman recipe or two.

So yeah. I'm watching videos like this because I'm mentally moving to the Island of the Blues baby. If I can find some chocolate in the cupboard then I'll feel better.

I think I scarfed the last of it last night. I need 65% cacao or more. Or some Rumi, yeah I love that guy's poems. Let me suck up some Rumi instead.

Home Again

We're home, happy and tired. We took the long way home, stopped to talk to two interesting men and took lots of photos. Our travels took us through back roads and over ridges, along rivers and through tiny communities so far back in the hills I had to wonder where the people who lived there worked. Any town of size would have been quite a drive.

But it was beautiful. I'll have lots of pics to share in the coming days. I'll leave you with two for tonight:

You Tart!!!

Tart sure has a lot of definitions. For this post's purposes, we'll stick with one: "A pastry shell with shallow sides, no top crust, and any of various fillings."

Last weekend I decided to bake my first tart. A few weeks before, I had picked up a copy of the October issue of Lola. It's a cute little pocketbook sized free magazine that you can find in the Boston area. I still need to grab this month's copy, which is the food issue.

Lola was launched in 2007 by Boston Globe Media and is a nice little publication. It's described as "a lifestyle magazine aimed at women in their 20s, 30s, and 40s." I fit their target for a few more years. Then I guess I just drop off into the ether. Oh well.

I do enjoy it for now. At least some of the content appears to be repackaged from The Boston Globe and Boston.com, where I found the online version of the recipe that I tried.

So back to the recipe. The original is a Chocolate Pine-Nut Tart. And such pretty pictures of it too!

This was my first time using my tart pan. I got it years ago and kept planning to use it, but it just never happened.

I don't know why I was suddenly so inspired by this recipe, but something clicked. Maybe because I also remembered that I still had really good Sharffen Berger chocolate from the BlogHer conference. Good chocolate is always an inspiration!

I made several changes to the recipe. Like usual, I used Smart Balance instead of butter. I don't normally keep cream in the house, so instead I used half vanilla rice milk and half Nestle Coffee-Mate Italian Sweet Crème. For the filling, instead of using one egg, I used the two left over egg whites. I'm not a huge fan of pine nuts in a dessert, so instead I sprinked the top of the tart with 1/2 cup sweetened shredded coconut.

The recipe isn't difficult to make, but there is some waiting involved. For those of you who have seen me on twitter, you know that I'm a real night owl. I started baking this late and didn't realize that I should have started earlier.

The tart crust went well, but I had to refrigerate it for 30 minutes and bake it for 15 minutes before adding the filling to bake the final tart. When I poured on the filling, it started dripping out the bottom of the pan. I couldn't believe it! I had to grab the tart pan and put it on a cookie sheet to bake it.

Well, the tart came out okay, but I don't think that I'll be rushing to make it again. I made a lot of changes, so the original recipe may be perfectly fine. I was hoping for more of a pudding texture and a thicker layer of it. That just was not to be. Much of the filling leaked out of the bottom, so that could have been it too. Maybe my tart pan is defective?

Well, my first tart experience could have gone better. It didn't taste too bad though. I mean how bad can good chocolate be?

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New Orleans Native Michael Lewis and His Book, The Blindside

New Orleans native, Michael Lewis, author of books such as Liar's Poker, Moneyball: The Art of Winning an Unfair Game, and Home Game was in New Orleans last night. He joined actress and New Orleans home owner Sandra Bullock for the premier of her movie, The Blind Side, which opened in theaters today. The movie is based on a Lewis's book by the same name.While the movie is being criticized by some

Jane’s World-Famous Award-winning Best-Ever Pecan Pie

Okay, gather 'round while I give you The Secret...

My Big Crush for Old School Friday

I'm trying to stick to my favorite meme, Old School Friday, because it gives me the opportunity to share personal details sometimes about myself, something I usually avoid. This week's theme was kind of hard for me. It's "I Had a Crush On" and it left me in a quandary. See, the only singer that I went totally crushing insane for was Michael Jackson, and that was when I was nine. After that, for

The Manhattan Declaration: A Call to Christian Conscience

"The Manhattan Documents is a 4,732-word statement signed by a movement of Orthodox, Catholic and evangelical Christian leaders who are collaborating around moral issues of great concern. Its 125+ signers affirm the sanctity of human life, marriage as defined by the union of one man and one woman, and religious liberty and freedom of conscience. The Manhattan Declaration endorses civil disobedience under certain circumstances."

The Continuing Car Key Debate

Older people restricted from driving at night had half the crash risk of those that were not restricted, a study found.

I’m beginning to dread a lot about Christmas…

We had barely gotten past Halloween when the onslaught of “holiday” commercials began. I think it was a Walmart ad. All I remember clearly was the personal panic that immediately set in. It must be my age. Every year I now face the “holidays” with increasing dismay and trepidation instead of the usual joy. They make [...]

Retirement: What not to do

Do you have a solid retirement plan? Maybe not. According to Wells Fargo's fifth annual retirement survey, most people make three major mistakes when it comes to planning for their golden years.

Sally Shields Chats with Our Readers

Yesterday, we enjoyed hosting Sally Shields, author of The Daughter-in-Law Rules on our blog. Here are some of our readers' questions and Sally's responses.

When Anita asked Sally how her mother-in-law reacted to reading about herself in the book, Sally recalled how it affected their relationship:

"There are 3 parts to that... first when she found out I was writing the book she said, "I know I can be a B....tch, Sally! I'm a Leo. But we're a lot a like, you know. Now go write a best-seller, or I'll kick your butt!"

Then, she read the book. And well, I wasn't welcome at Christmas time...

Lastly, we had it out... and we didn't hold back. She told me what she thought of me. I told her what I thought of her. We screamed and laughed, and she finally said, "You know, I think this probably all happened for a reason." Now, we are close!"

Another reader asked about how her relationship with her MIL changed when Sally had children.

"Well, that was incredible. There is nothing that she wanted more in the world than to have grandchildren. Once I got that, and made sure that she always feels included in all the little steps and milestones, I have seen a tremendous change in our relationship. This is such a joy for me to facilitate!"

One of our readers, a MIL and grandmother herself who works on her relationship with her DIL, wondered what Sally meant by, "I don't mind telling people what to do or how they should do it." Sally explained:

"You sound like such a sweet MIL... it's a very, very complicated relationship, and I feel it is largely the DIL's responsibility to make sure that her husband's mother feels like she is wanted, appreciated and part of their lives. So, that is my vision, to teach brides and wives the art of making friends with their husband's mother, so that years of needless contention can be avoided! The DIL needs schooling and that is what I set out to do with the DIL Rules.

Something else I'd like to add to that... when I say I don't mind telling people what to do or how they should do it, I mean, that I think a DIL should make sure to make her MIL feel special and appreciated by doing all the little things she can like never forgetting a b-day, making sure she calls her MIL once a week to ask how she's feeling, complimenting her and letting her know what a great job she did in raising her son, etc. These might seem like the presumed obvious, but they are little things that can easily get overlooked in the course of daily life. Because the MIL DIL relationship is often fraught with tension, there are so many things a DIL can do to avert misunderstandings and hurtful miscommunications. So that is what I mean by telling someone what to do... schooling and reminding the DIL that it is her job to reach out and make friends with her MIL!"

A daughter-in-law wanted help in dealing with her MIL who had complained that she was distant because the DIL didn't want to go to her home for Sunday dinner. Sally weighed in with her advice:

"Yes, this is the kind of stuff that happens, very normal... this relationship is already poised for misunderstandings and hurtfulness... that is why, we as DIL's have to work so hard to not be defensive and air more on the side of compassionate. From her perspective, she doesn't understand all those reasons. Maybe you can start calling her once a week, just to have a little chat, ask how she's feeling, etc. Or start with once every 3 weeks, whatever you can do, but make sure your husband isn't home. Tell her how excited you are to come to Sunday dinner! Be glad that you don't have to cook. Then, go. But not always - just now and then. But strike a balance, because you have compassion and do it happily for your husband. These are part of the RULES for a happy marriage!
Consider it a blessing that you don't have to cook. Then, help her with the dishes, and watch the magic happen!"

And Janet, with an idea for a book herself, asked Sally about her marketing efforts. Sally shared her experience:

"I did everything I could to learn how to market a book, then wrote a home-study course called Publicity Secrets Revealed: What Every PR Firm Doesn't Want Your to Know! You can check it out here: www.sallyshields.com/productsandservices

I also learned how to bring a book to the top of the Amazon charts, and got to #1 in Wedding showers, which opened up a LOT of doors, and I now teach authors how to do that as well. Please get in touch with me and I'd be happy to be your coach! Basically, I got on lots of radio and TV shows, did virtual book tours, article marketing, created sponsorship proposals (1-800-flowers created a full page ad in the back of the book) and things of this nature."

Our thanks again to Sally for her generosity in sharing with us. If you are a mother-in-law and want some more insight into how to get along better with your daughter-in-law, click on the post title above. It takes you to our website, www.HerMentorCenter.com and our article, From Baby Boomer to Mother-in-Law: How to Play Your New Role.

COBRA subsidy tool calculates when your benefit expires

eHealthinsurarnce.com has posted a handy tool that can help people figure out when their federal COBRA health insurance subsidy will end. The tool also lets you see how long your subsidy will stretch if the House bill proposing an extension of the COBRA subsidy becomes law. Lawmakers indicated this week that they hope to take [...] Related posts:

Another Average Jane Giveaway

First of all, I'd like to congratulate Natalie, who won the GiveCard from last week's drawing. She says, "I would donate to Guide Dogs for the Blind... my mom is on her second dog from them, for 15 years she...

Do Any Diet Foods Actually Work?

What Diet Foods Actually Help People Lose Weight in a Healthy Way? Well, if you have been to the grocery store lately, you know that you can select from dozens of foods with labels that advertise them as “LITE”, “DIET”, “LOW CARB”, “LOW FAT”, or “LOW CALORIE”. But since we Americans have a weight problem, and [...]

How Many Pounds in a Gallon of Fat? JFGI!

Remember this? What do you want for your birthday? A Henway. What’s a Henway? About three pounds. So far, I’ve lost about 11 hens. If I could somehow export my loss to Peru, I would be able to buy one of those cars I lusted after. Three suspects have confessed to killing five people for their fat, said Col. Jorge Mejia, [...]

Under My Skin

I don't mind admitting that the chorus to this new song came to me in the driveway of my dear friend who has shown me that love does not always come in the package we want, and seeming less, can somehow be so very much more.The bulk of the music and many of the words came to me on the morning of my accident when I wanted to continue with the creativity and, against my intuition, forced myself to

Less & Less...Unless....

The Midlife Gals are all about ‘less,’ but I’m confounded about the definition of the word, unless. Wouldn’t you think that un-less would just mean, ‘more?’ Well, it doesn’t. It means, “except on the condition that...” For example, A middle-aged woman could use eye liner, unless there is so much eye-lid skin that it would appear as if she tried to ski over several small crevasses, leaving dots and dashes where the liner would otherwise have stayed.

We love the word less, and here’s how we use it...less exercise, less rules, less dieting, less caring what other people think. Or, in another form, we could say, less ice in our martinis, less guff from our Ancient One and less appropriate behavior.

As you know, organizational control freaks love the word, less. Less clutter, less back talk, less hoarding...I could go on and on and on here, but suffice it to say, less is more for us. Less creates more space, but in the case of dating, for example, less can be depressing ‘unless’ you’re thinking to yourself, “Please, LESS losers!” At this age, we have more time for other things because our phones are ringing less and less.

And, speaking of mens, they want you to use LESS words. Case in point, check out our video called, ManSpeak. They aren’t kidding about this either!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3tbL5ViEEiM

I just love words. Hence, my storytelling tends to drag on a bit until Sal is so exasperated (especially if it’s a story she’s heard 96 times) that she might politely whisper in mid-story, “You might use LESS words to describe the bank teller who was rude to you. You’re losing your audience, KK.” And, I think, “Fine...less slackers who don’t pay attention at cocktail parties.” That’s an oxymoron, isn’t it? Oh, there’s another good word, oxymoron! Don’t get me started...
KK
*******************************
Less is more. That’s my favorite saying. Every time I opened another casting office for a movie, I put a sign on the wall directly behind my head that said, “Use Fewer Words.” People do go on and on, and in the movie business, there is no time for rambling on about anything except who makes the coffee and what kind of donuts are in the kitchen.

Less money means more ingenuity. Most everybody can relate to that concept these days. KK and I certainly can. We do our grocery shopping at HEB now instead of Randall’s. We spend less money there and get almost twice as much food. There are less hiked-up prices, because your address indicates that you don’t care if lemons are eighty cents each instead of eighty cents a pound. It’s sort of like buying shoes at Payless instead of Bergdorf’s. The knock-offs look pretty good, but you feel like you just got hit with ‘the ugly stick’.

Less accessories equals more taste and style. KK always has to curb my enthusiasm when adorning myself for a night out. I like to wear necklaces, bracelets, earrings, pins, and jeweled belts. She says that’s okay BUT just not all at the same time! Whatever. She has shown me that less is chic, and then you don’t look like you’re a hairdresser at Zelma’s Salon And Dollar Boutique.

I have finally learned that less is more when it comes to girlfriends…friends in general. I have weeded out the energy suckers and nonbelievers who turn snowflakes into urine dropping from the sky. There is less bullshit in my life now. That brings more time for that BFF who always makes you laugh, brings Tequila, and knows all the backstage dish on the last person voted off of Survivor. I mean, come on, let’s get our priorities straight here.
SalGal

You’ll Shoot Your Eye Out (and other assorted mayhem)

It has been a long darn week. Beloved has been working long hours out of town. I’ve been working long hours in town. I DID get the car serviced this week (if you can call $190 for basically rotating the tires, an oil change and a lube job anything other than extortion), but the dog still [...]

Don't Eat Bambi - Santa Might Need Her

Yesterday afternoon I decided to have a quiet lunch out on my patio. It was a beautiful, warm, afternoon. I took my new camera with me. I thought I'd read through some of the camera instructions and maybe even shoot...

The Power Behind the Sleigh: The Power Behind the Sleigh

During this time of the year
one man in particular starts to get all the attention. Yes, Santa Claus is no
stranger to the limelight, but as we all know, behind every successful man
stands an even more successful, understanding and brilliant woman. So who is
Mrs Claus And how does she feel about the supportive role she plays in the
life of her husband

Ideology Does Not Make a Leader: Ideology Does Not Make a Leader

I held my
tongue for as long as I could but there has truly been a huge white elephant with
its giant, fat ass sitting on my keyboard. A week ago today, the Attorney
General of the US, Eric Holder, announced that the 5 men being held at
Guantanamo Bay Correctional Facility for terrorists, mass murderers and general
scumbags, including Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, who boasted to authorities that he
masterminded the 9-11 attacks against the US, would be moved to New York City
and tried in a civilian court making their actions criminal as opposed to the
acts of war they were. They are reduced from being enemies of the State to innocent-until-proven-guilty
alleged criminals with all of the respective Constitutional rights.

Meet Ali Armstrong: Meet Ali Armstrong

If you stand still for long enough in Alirsquo;s
kitchen, yoursquo;ll be offered refreshment. It might be a cup of coffee, or if itrsquo;s
after 12, probably wine. You might get some olives marinated in oil and garlic,
or a delicious slice of cake, because Ali loves providing food (and drink). As
she bustles around her large kitchen she explains,

Novelist Bernice McFadden Resists 'Seg-book-gation'

Critically acclaimed author of multiple novels, Bernice McFadden, is celebrating the 10th anniversary of her first novel, Sugar, landing on bookshelves, and she's asking potential readers to save African-American literary writers. ... Read more at the African-American Books Examiner.

The Golden Ear Mouse

When we boomers say, “We’re different from our parents’ generation; we’re more active, more flexible, more youthful,” we mean it. But are our bodies always listening? Not necessarily, at least not yet. That’s why we’re fascinated by research we read about at the University of Rochester Medical Center in New York - “Squeak, Squeak – Can You Hear Me Now?”

School Fundraising Project Comes Under Fire

It was supposed to be a fundraiser to help the school generate some much needed money for supplies:

Rosewood Middle School price list

♦A $20 donation buys 10-point credits to be used on two tests of the student's choice.

♦A $30 donation buys the test points and admission to a 5th-period dance.

♦A $60 donation buys students test points, the dance invitation, and a "special 30-minute lunch period with pizza, drink and the choice to invite one friend to join them."

♦Photo ops with Rosewood principal Susie Shepherd, the vice principal, and a home room teacher go for $75. The photos will be posted on a school bulletin board and on the school's Web site.

The Principal thought it was a good idea when it was recommended to her by the parent advisory council but District School Administrators had the last say and nixed the idea. Some said exchanging grades for money teaches children the wrong lessons. It is also a bad testing practice and is unfair to students whose parents can't pay.

But some parents were willing to pay to help the school raise some much needed funds because last year's fundraising efforts of selling chocolates didn't raise one dime.

So what do you think? Would you pay to help your child earn extra credit in school--especially if they really needed it?

http://babyboomerbev.podOmatic.com/rss2xm1 http://www.talk2bevpodcast.com/audios/goingtochicago.mp3

Turning a Tragedy into Publicity

A few days ago from a woman who was a victim of child abuse and neglect more than 40 years ago contacted me to ask my advice on how she could gain some media exposure for her book from the tragedy involving little Shaniya Davis. For those of you who don't know, Shaniya was a five-year-old North Carolina girl who was found dead earlier this week after her mother reported her missing a week earlier. That same mother is now in jail charged with human trafficking, along with child abuse and neglect in connection with this case. Shaniya was last seen on a surveillence camera being carried up to a hotel room by a male acquaintaince of her mother's. That man is also behind bars.

At first, I hesitated to consult with her because my immediate reaction was it would be in poor taste to try to elevate herself in the midst of this horrific story. But then I thought, why not? She has a story that she lived--one of sexual child abuse and neglect. Her mother didn't pawn her off as a sex slave but family members did take advantage of her while her mother was in denial. Here was her chance to give an empowering message and offer herself as an expert--while promoting her book about sexual child abuse.

Why am I sharing this? The point is not all publicity comes from feel good, make me happy stories. There are some stories that are filled with a lot of pain and suffering and misery. If you have lived under similar circumstances and feel comfortable in sharing your story--then why not do it. In addition, you have the chance to become a living testimony for someone else.

How Do You Pronounce the Year "2010"?

Debate about how to pronounce the upcoming years is heating up. I mean, we've been chugging along since the new millenium with "Two Thousand, Two Thousand One, etc." and all of a sudden some people out there will be changing this pattern in January with "Twenty Ten". The International Olympics Committee and Vancouver 2010 are officially referring to this winter's Olympics in Vancouver as the "Twenty Ten Olympics". And then there are those who feel the pronounciation will not convert to "twenty-something" until 2011.

How did we get into such a mess? Last century we were pretty consistent with, for example, 1909 and 1910 as "Nineteen Oh Nine" and "Nineteen Ten". So why the problem this century?

Two words: Stanley Kubrick.

Say "2001: A Space Odyssey". Go ahead, say it. You're saying "Two Thousand One", aren't you...AREN'T YOU????

So we can blame the marketing wizards behind this Hollywood production for mucking us up now. We were brainwashed into saying "Two Thousand One" since 1968, which is pronounced, by the way, as "nineteen sixty-eight". As opposed to "One Thousand Nine Hundred Sixty-Eight" (and don't get me started on whether or not there is an "and" before the "sixty-eight" - you should have learned all that in Consumer Ed. class when you learned how to write checks - oh, I should point out that checks are little pieces of paper that you sometimes see little old ladies slowly pulling out of their pocketbooks in front of you at the grocery check-out line about 5 minutes AFTER the checker has told her how much her total is.)

Where was I? Oh yeah, 2010. And while the Hollywood do-as-I-sayers would have you believe that you pronounce it as "Two Thousand Ten", the Olympic Committee will have no more of this crap and have worked tirelessly to promote the "Twenty Ten" Olympics. These are the same language nazis who forgave us our "Two Thousand" transgressions when Y2K first appeared, but who now refuse to understand why we didn't next follow suit with "Twenty Ought One", "Twenty Ought Two",...etc.

Well, Mr. Olympic Committee Chairperson Snobby McSnobberson, I don't think you "ought" to tell us how to pronounce our own language. I think you "ought" to mind your own beeswax. In fact, you "ought" to feel lucky we will even watch your stupid two-week long TV show, or miniseries, or whatever that overly-sponsored global sporting event thing that you have is.

And while I have you on the line, Mr. McSnobberson, what the heck is the Skeleton event? And can you use "skeleton" like a verb? Can you go skeletoning? And while you're at it, maybe you "ought" to tell us how to pronounce it.

Hey, I forgot to tell you guys last week that I met Gladys from Gladys Tells All when she blew through Sacramento. I love meeting fellow bloggers. I realize I risk my life meeting them in person, and I probably shouldn't agree to being dropped off blind-folded in a dark cat-pee-stained alley, but I'm kind of desperate for friends and lucky for me, Gladys was awesome!

Toddler Rides White Tiger into Post Position

In auto racing, it’s the inside position which gets claimed by the racer who put of the fastest qualifying time: the pole position. What’s the analogy to positioning content in this arena? More and more as I observe both my own behavior with content consumption on-line and the behavior of the digital community I [...]

On the Road Again

I'm on the road storytelling in central West Virginia. I'll be back Friday night with, I hope some good photos to share of our trip.

No photos tonight, since I'm at my son's house and having a blast with his two children while Aaron and Jaime are out celebrating her birthday.

Here are a few things from today's storytelling to share:

*Preschoolers and first graders laughing incredibly at Lazy Jack, one of the first stories I learned to tell. I love going back to these tales and finding new discoveries in them. If you don't know the story: Jack's mother puts the lazy boy to work at a farm. He does well and gets paid every day, but each time through some foolishness manages to lose his pay. And yet in the end, Jack's the winner! You can read an English version of the story here; my telling is an Appalachian version. For a similar tale, click here to hear a podcast of Epaminondas.

*The look on children's faces after I told my story of "The Headless Woman of Briar Creek"--and then pointed out my husband in the corner who was the star of the story. They rushed to ask him, "Did you really see her?" Of course he said yes! (You can hear most of the story on Podcast 1 with me in the right sidebar on my blog.)

*Listening to the teachers at lunch. So many stories they can tell! Dedication was apparent in their stories.

*Seeing a 3rd grader put on the small cloth miner's cap in my coal-mining collection. It fit--obviously the cap had been worn by a very young boy , perhaps one who picked coal fr the slate piles or led mine horses.

*Laughing with the 5th grade when, to his evident surprise, a boy let loose with some very loud gas! What could I do? I said, "I heard that!" Laughed, then told him to say excuse me, instructed those around him to hold their noses for a bit, and on we went with the story. It was so funny; bathroom humor is always on the surface with this age group and ignoring the loud noise was not possible with this crowd. It was a good laugh.

*Seeing a little boy on the street with his dad after school, relating one of my stories and so animated, and seeing his dad's happy face as he listened to his son. That was the best part of the whole day.

Until right now, being here with James and Michaela and listening to their happy chatter about their day at school. Being a granny has many rewards!

Total Knee Replacement: Potentially Costly Sitting and Thinking

Since the Total Knee Replacement, (ta-da-dummmmmmmm) my physical activity is even more limited than prior to the removal and reinstallation. Since I’m dieting my lack of physical activity is even more restricted. Prior to this, my lack of physical activity was because I was lazy. Aside from mowing and walking the dogs and following Nancy around Kroger [...]

Death of a Child: Learning from the Travolta Family’s Tragedy

No one should have to bury a child, a universal truth that will never be cliché. Nothing is worse than the death of your son or daughter. It haunts you forever.

I know from secondhand experience, after my parents had to do just that when my sister died in an auto accident in her twenties. The Travoltas know firsthand. You can only try to cope. But how? What common lessons can be learned from such an unthinkable tragedy?

Music Therapy Uses Preloaded iPods to Help Alzheimer’s Patients

Music therapy on iPods: Let's start with a quote from today's Wall Street Journal article, which gets right to the point: "Ann Povodator, an 85-year-old Alzheimer's patient in Boynton Beach, Fla., listens to her beloved opera and Yiddish songs every day on an iPod with her home health aide or her daughter when she comes to visit. ‘We listen for at least a half-hour, and we talk afterwards,’ says her daughter, Marilyn Povodator.

New Government Task Force Will Combat Financial Fraud

Senior-level officials from more than two dozen government departments, agencies, and offices have joined to form the Financial Fraud Enforcement Task Force in an effort to strengthen the fight against financial crime.

What Does Dr. Susan Love Think of the New Mammography Guidelines?

Did the new mammography guidelines from the U.S. Preventive Services Task Force come about because a review of the scientific evidence shows that there is no data to support the idea that the benefit of mammography outweighs the risks for women between the ages of 40-50? Or was it a political decision? Whenever I’m confused about [...]

No Need For Waffle Withdrawal

I was reading the news last night and saw a story about an Eggo frozen waffle shortage. A waffle shortage? Hmmm. Okay.

According to the article, one of Kellogg's facilities was closed for a time due to historic amounts of rain in the area. On top of that, a bakery in another location is closed for repairs. With the two of these things happening together, it seems that it could take until mid-2010 before store shelves have sufficient quantities of Eggo waffles.

Apparently, some customers are already seeing dwindling amounts of Eggo waffles on store shelves and are considering rationing their waffles.

Well before people go crazy for lack of waffles, I hope they remember that waffles aren't a staple food like rice or corn. Waffles don't grow on trees or in a field. Waffles can be made at home people!

I'm going to try and not get too snarky. I'm much snarkier and more sarcastic in real life than on this blog. Or maybe I'll just let the snark rip!

Here are some waffle recipes. Waffle irons are sold all over the place and aren't too expensive.

With the money saved on not buying frozen waffles, probably after a month, the price of the waffle iron will already be covered. Plus homemade waffles are much healthier and tastier than frozen. I do admit that cleaning the waffle iron is a tedious task. But sometimes we have to buck up and do the hard work. Yeah. I think we can handle it.

Anali's First Amendment © 2006-2009. All rights reserved.

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Best Boomer Towns Selects Aiken, South Carolina

Aiken has a nice atmosphere with lots going on. It’s only 17 miles from the famous links of Georgia’s Augusta National Golf Club and has more than 30 stables and 13 golf courses nearby. A temperate year-round climate, affordable housing, and a low cost of living make this small town a top choice for retirement.

An Ode to My Dentist: She Rocks!

I’ve been going to a very cool dentist for the last, I don’t know, eight years or so. A friend recommended her. She’s Marilyn McDevitt (first photo), 53, and she has a nice office in Boston, right at the base of the Prudential Center. Marilyn is not your average dentist. She’s fun, funny and happy. [...]

Why is the Bible so Difficult to Understand?

For millennia, people have peered into the pages of the Bible and asked, "why is the Bible so difficult to understand?" Perhaps this question is better asked, "can the Bible even be understood?"

ok ok OK

I'm posting already.

I don't know what my problem is. That I can't come here and say something. Anything.

So what's been happening?

• Just survived 10 days of a sick seven year old -- not the flu, not strep, not pneumonia, but took an antibiotic to kick it

•Husband has been in school since September. He's getting certified for HVAC work. We thought he would be finished in May and would be working this summer, but yesterday he informed me that if he goes to school until August he'll get a two -year degree. Yes, I managed to not throw a total freaking fit at the idea of three more months of school

•A new yoga studio opened in town and I'm finding my practice again. Best thing ever.

•Despite going to yoga three times a week I'm gaining weight.

•Can I blame the weight gain on going back on Lexapro for anxiety? Let's just go ahead and do that.

•Yes, the anxiety is directly related to the unemployed spouse, the scary economy, and the fact that my job is slower that it has been in 15 years.

OK. So I really meant to participate in NaBloPoMo. Are people even doing that this year? But I didn't. But I really miss reading everybody's blogs and writing. So I'm going to try and get back here and stop avoiding all the things I really want to do.

That's really the thing I feel like all this yoga has been doing for me -- making me stop long enough to realize I'm constantly resisting real, positive change in my life. Things I really want to do, that I can do, that I just refuse to do because I am basically always terrified of making progress.

Average Jane's Bathroom Windowsill Still Life

One of the most charming things my cleaning lady does is to take anything tiny that I've left on the bathroom counter and line it up on the narrow windowsill. Do I have any mixed feelings about hiring someone to...

REINING IN, LETTING GO

I can't believe that Thanksgiving is just days away, and that a week from tomorrow, I will probably be draping garland and twinkle lights from the porch railing. Are you ready for this? I'm not! I am, however, in a much better place than I would have been in years past, believe you me!

How did I get to this place? Since moving here to Wimberley, I have been learning, step by step, how to bring the holidays back down to size. How does one do that? Well, it's different for each family, as are our priorities and beliefs, but the crux of it is: figure out what is truly important to you...and what isn't, then...just...let... it... go.

Here are a few things we did, to rein the madness in:

Stopped throwing big parties for everyone we know, and concentrated on simple, intimate dinners with only our closest friends.
Cut way back on the amount of holiday decorations we had to haul down, set up, take down, and pack back up each year. Nothing has to be hauled down from the attic anymore. Instead, we have a few plastic crates and a pre-lit tree in the storage room, a few special teapots and ceramic pieces in the hutch, some candles, and fruit and greenery from the yard - all of which can easily be set up in one afternoon. (I used to get my fruit from the grocery store, but now I have pomegranates and tangerines right outside my door!)
Pestered my siblings, year after year, until they finally agreed to try drawing names at Christmas. We all still give gifts to the old folks and little kids, but the rest of us put our names in a hat, then have all year to find just the right gift for one special person, instead of scrambling around for a dozen or more it'll-do-gifts, that will probably end up being re-gifted. Even the sibling who fought it the hardest, finally admitted that she loved the new system, and didn't miss the piles of gifts at all. Best of all, we are now able to slow down enough to open them one at a time, and actually see what each person gets!
John's family is much smaller than mine, so we still give gifts to each person: I give something hand-made to each of the three women (a new tradition that began last year, and is now my favorite part of the season), and John orders something geeky for each of the three guys.
With the money we save by drawing names and giving hand-made, we are able to help out some needy children each year. A friend who is a social worker gives us some names, and John and I have a date night where we go out to dinner, then have a blast in the children's clothing and toy departments. We LOVE shopping for little kids. They are so very easy to please, and for so little $$!

Things we are still working on:

For the last couple of years, John and I have agreed not to buy each other gifts, since we didn't really need anything anymore. Instead, we would just fill each other's stocking. I kept my end of the bargain. He did not. Either year. At all! I gave up.

What about you? What is really important to you, and what are you ready to just...let...go?

Chinese Christians Badly Beaten for Going to Unsanctioned Churches

...these men appeared in my Sunday school class one day, and my tears were irrepressible as they shared their stories of repression, beatings, kidnapping, and torture.

Edna St. Vincent Millay

"Time does not bring relief; you all have lied
Who told me time would ease me of my pain!
I miss him in the weeping of the rain;
I want him at the shrinking of the tide

Edna St. Vincent Millay

Wordless Wednesday on Thursday

I missed posting this yesterday, so here's my post for Wordless Wednesday, a day late:

This was sunrise, Wednesday morning.

Enchilada Casserole

My two grown children are coming here for Thanksgiving, and I am THRILLED. I’m proud to say that I’m close to all of my kids, and that holidays spent together are not an obligation but a celebration made even more special by the fact that we don’t actually see each other often, although we talk [...]

The Daughter-in-Law Rules

Nourishing Relationships: We are so pleased to have Sally Shields, author of The Daughter-in-Law Rules join us today. We have so much to ask you, lets get right to it!
What is the concept behind the DIL Rules and how did you derive at that name?

Sally Shields: The Daughter-in-Law Rules is based on the 7th spiritual law of success, which is: the quickest way to get what you want is to help others get what they want. By that I mean, be a loving, kind-hearted, sensitive person, and the world will reflect that back to you, even in the form of your mother-in-law! I loved that book The Rules: Time Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right. I patterned the Daughter-in-Law Rules on that book.

N R: When did you decide on writing as a career?

S S: Actually, the book took me less than a week to write! As the last thing I wrote was a paper in high school, I don't consider myself a writer per se. What I learned was that you only need 2 things to have a best selling book - a passion for your topic and a sincere desire to help people. To quote Robert Kiyosaki of Rich Dad, Poor Dad: "I didn't want to be the best writing author - rather I want to be the best SELLING author!" It was the marketing of the book that really intrigued me, so I use the 90-10 rule - I spent 10% of my time writing the book, and the other 90% of my time and energy marketing it.

N R: What motivated you to write the DIL Rules?

S S: Like most women, I got married and got a mother-in-law. But after a couple of years, I was left scratching my head, thinking, where is the manual for this?!!! I wrote to the ladies that wrote the bestselling book The Rules, and told them that since they helped all these women meet and marry the men of their dreams, they then needed to provide some advice on how to get along with the other woman in their man's life—his mom! These two authors told me it was the best idea they'd ever heard. I honestly just wanted some advice on the topic! "You should write it," they said. At first I thought they were crazy since the last thing I'd written was a term paper in high school English class! But, the gears started turning in my mind. So I started to jot down all the troublesome incidents that would pop into my head in regards to my MIL, and came up with a rule and a solution to deal with each and every one. When I put a few of these rules into practice (and saw that they actually worked) I thought maybe I could help save other young wives years of needless contention!

N R: Have you published any other work that you've written?

S S: I have a music book called Modern Jazz Piano (Hal Leonard, 2004). I've also written The Collaborator Rules: 101 Surefire Ways to Manage (and Stay Friends with) Your Co-Author as well as a poetry book called "A Pond Beneath the Moon" but I've yet to publish them.

N R: What makes you unique when compared to other authors?

I am very focused on solving a problem in a very short period of time. I don't mind telling people what to do or how they should do it. Here's the Rule. Now do it. Sometimes people tell me that they don't want to do these rules because it seems like too much work. Then I give them the Dr. Phil answer which is, "Well, how's THAT workin' for ya?!!" These rules are problem-solution oriented so give them a try!

S S: What inspires your work?

I love being creative and just coming up with stuff that I think will help people, or bring humor to a situation, while at the same time solving my own life's problems! My vision is now to create more harmony among 20 million mothers and daughters in law around the world while at the same time raising money for breast cancer. The National Breast Cancer Foundation® is my non-profit partner and we are currently working with 1-800-flowers on a unique fundraising idea for the fall.

N R: Has your book been featured in any national publications or on television?

S S: Yes! I've been in Star Magazine, Girlfriendz, For the Bride, and Obvious Magazine. I've appeared twice on the nationally syndicated The Daily Buzz, Fox & Friends, BetterTV.com and have a pending segment on the Morning Show with Mike and Juliette, as well as having appeared on Martha Stewart Whole Living Radio and the DIL Rules was recommended as Book of the Week by Dr. Laura Schelssinger.

N R: Are you self-published or through a publishing house?

S S: I started off self-publishing with Outskirts Press, a print on demand company, but just garnered interest from a small independent publisher with national distribution. The DIL Rules will be re-released on September 1st with a new cover, subtitle, foreword, interior design and illustrations, and will be in stores everywhere!

N R: Who or what personally inspires you to push forth with your career?

S S: I've been a musician ever since I was a kid, and I just get a lot of energy from performing, speaking, being out there in the media and expressing my ideas in my unique way fuels and motivates me forward.

N R: Have your book sales been positively/negatively affected by the financial changes in the country and if so how you come up with ways to divert from it (if negative)?

S S: I notice that the more radio and TV appearances I do, I can keep the sales up. It seems to be more about continually letting people know about the book that makes more of a difference than the financial state of affairs. It would be fun to compare current sales to what it will be like when Obama whips this country back in shape eventually! :-)

N R: Do you have any events coming up that people should know about or book tours?

S S: As I have 2 small kids, I have been doing virtual book tours from home and doing national radio tours via telephone. I do some local book signings here in New York, and I speak at various events such as the ASJA, and the Catholic Marketing Network has asked me to speak at their event in a couple of months. I also do a weekly radio show called Blurb! that is a book contest for authors. For more information on how authors can apply to be on the show, check out BlurbRadio.com.

N R: What advice would you have for young entrepreneurs and authors?

S S: I would say keep it fun, because otherwise all those hours you put in wouldn't make any sense! And remember that there are only 2 elements that you need to succeed in any endeavor: a passion for your topic and a sincere desire to help people.

N R: Where do you see yourself in the next five years?

S S: I see myself with my own reality show, as a Daughter-in-Law Rules seminar leader, a speaker at Bridal events, fundraiser and spokesperson for the National Breast Cancer Foundation,® and continuing to partner with corporations such as Macys, David's Bridal and Martha Stewart Weddings.

Never give up on your dreams. You don't have to know the how, but focus on the why. Don't set limits and reach for the sky. Do positive affirmations morning and evening, and you will see your thoughts transform into things. You can manifest your desires by focusing on the things that you want. Don't give up because it takes a while for the universe to prepare the meal that you've ordered, but know that it is in the oven back there so make sure you don't leave the restaurant!

N R: Thanks, Sally, for joining us today and for the great information. Readers, here's your chance to get some personal advice from Sally - about getting along with your daughter-in-law, marketing your own book, living your dream. Just click on the "comment" line below and let us hear from you.

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I'm still on pain meds - but I *think* I'm making more sense today. Honestly? I was drugged out of my mind yesterday! I have never, ever, before attempted to write with that level of drugs in my system. I...

Pelvic Floored: Pelvic Floored

When I teach a yoga class, the end of the
session is one part I really look forward to. Undoubtedly some of my students
feel the same, albeit probably for different reasons.

For me, it's the time
when people come up and share little things that have happened, ask questions,
talk about their lives, have a few tears; whatever has come up for them in the
class. I get to know them a little better, and learn more about the incredible
potential of what I am trying to put across.

What kind of bitch are you?: What kind of bitch are you?

I don't think it's too much of a stretch to say that many women
are bitches, or at least have a bitchy side. I do, and I'm pretty sure that
most women can be slotted into one of the following bitch categories:

Senior singers point to the legacy of Dr. Gene Cohen

The profession of geriatrics suffered a huge loss earlier this month when Dr. Gene Cohen died. Cohen, who died from metastatic prostate cancer at age 65, was a pioneer in geriatric psychiatry, and he played an enormous role in revolutionizing our thinking about aging. Cohen was especially well known for his research on the effects that [...] Related posts:

The BloggerAid Cook Book

Some of you might remember a book that I mentioned in a post a few months ago. Well, it's finally published!

The BloggerAid Cook Book is now for sale. You can purchase it by clicking here.

I contributed a recipe along with many other food bloggers from all over the world. Over 60 countries are represented!

Food bloggers are a very generous bunch of people. ALL the money from sales will go towards a very important cause. Read an edited excerpt from the book website below.

"Food does not simply nourish the body; food also celebrates what makes the world diverse, as well as, what unites us. The BloggerAid Cook Book is a collection of international recipes illustrating that we can work together and unite for a greater cause. The authors of this cookbook are food bloggers from around the world who have endeavored to make a difference by raising funds for the World Food Programme and encompassing their passion for "all things foodie" at the same time. ...

We chose the United Nations' World Food Programme (WFP) to receive the funds generated by the cookbook because of the wonderful work this organization does. The WFP has touched the lives of our members, many of whom are from countries where poverty is often a way of life. More specifically, 100% of BloggerAid's proceeds from the cookbook will benefit the WFP's School Meals Programme, which benefits an average of 22 million hungry children each year."

I hope that we can all spread the word about the cookbook. And for those who are able, any purchases would be appreciated as well. Wouldn't this make a great holiday gift? I think it would!

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Try out our new ReBlog Button

Typepad, the host company of this blog, has just released a "ReBlog Button". Evidently, if you like one of my blog posts, you can hit the "reblog" button, at the bottom of each post, and easily create a re-post on...

FARMER BECK HAS AN ORANGE GROVE!

Ever since we bought this house five years ago, there has been a monstrous, thorny shrub growing back beside the garage, on the edge of the cedar grove. Our first instinct was to cut it down, but there were signs of a wire wrap having been placed around its base at some point, to protect it from deer. We figured it must be something good, that was planted intentionally by the previous owners. So we put up with it, year after year, as it grew and grew, and those thorns got ever more deadly, always thinking that eventually, it would prove its worth.

It did not. Finally, John got fed up. He whacked off a branch this spring and took it into the feed store to see if they could I.D. it for us. I forget what they called it, but they said "Nope, no redeeming qualities. Just an obnoxious weed." About fifteen minutes later, John had that sucker chopped to the ground.

Guess what he found, beneath all those thorns? A tiny little twig of a tree, and as it turned out, that is what the wire mesh was actually meant to protect. Its leaves were long, thick and glossy, and though I wasn't certain, I had a hunch that it was some kind of citrus tree. Only time would tell.

Life got kind of hectic around here after that, and we pretty much forgot about it until one day this summer. I was working nearby when I caught a glimpse of something out of the corner of my eye. Hot damn! My little tree had three pieces of fruit on it, and yes indeedy, they were definitely of the citrus variety. They were small, hard, and green. Must be limes, right?

Just about every week I'd go out and give them a little squeeze to see if they'd gotten any softer, but they never did. They just got bigger, and bigger, and bigger. Finally, just a few days ago, the color began to show a hint of orange. Since there was a freeze predicted in the next few days, and I might lose all three, I decided to pick one, just to see what was inside. Much to my surprise, it seemed perfectly ripe, though not terribly sweet, and I ate it right up. Easy to peel, not a seed in it anywhere, sections separate easily, big as my fist... Is it a tangerine? A mandarin? Who knows? Who cares? I've got a citrus grove!

Wednesday Writer’s Workshop: Purpose, or Why Do You Write?

Writing isn’t some mysterious phenomenon that happens when the good fairy graces you with her presence. It isn’t some arcane procedure that only dead white males (and a few chosen, but robust females) are truly ...

Goat Thing of the Day: Baby Goats Hop on Bus

Last week, two baby goats hopped on a bus in Vancouver, Washington. They broke out of their pen and followed two woman to the bus stop. And tried to board a bus with the two women. And knowing how frugal goats can be, you can bet they didn't have a bus pass.

Initially, I couldn't find a way to embed the video here, and had planned for you to click on the picture below to take to you the Fox 12 Oregon News video. Or have you read the baby goat bus story on their website.

Yoda and Yates. (Thanks, Sue!)

But then, Owen from the Magic Lantern Show happened to send me a link to where CNN picked it up and is therefore embeddable, so you can press play on this one:

Now, for the benefit of my many many thousands of Kindle subscribers who are unable to view video (unless you have the Amazon Super Massive Turbo Kindle Master 2012X), allow me to describe to you the contents of said video: Two baby goats try to board a bus.

huh

In an irony reminiscent of one of my first jobs (aside from babysitting) where I worked at a ski shop fitting skis and boots when I had never been skiing in my life, I now work at a fitness center, and I don't really work out. I say not really but actually, I don't aside from yoga.
I keep meaning too, I truly do, but I don't. I am afraid of the treadmill. It is one of my goals to overcome that fear.

And another thing... I have been plagued by this idea; did someone just fantasize about mad, deep, powerful and lasting love, then write about it and now we all believe in it, and expect it OR is it real and I am really bad at it or have not found the real thing? Given the state of things around here, and experiencing divorce myself it isn't surprising that I am leaning toward the latter.

At the fitness center, several long-married couples come in together to work out. Some have been married for 40 -50 years and it is obvious they are still in love. And in like, as well. Mind you, there are some where the tension is thick and wide, but for the most part I see and feel love, respect and enjoyment of one another. Some days it makes me weepy. I'm trying to change from being depressed by it. Right now, that's a bit hard for me.

Coping with Menopausal Symptoms

You've likely tried many techniques to deal with the annoying symptoms of perimenopause. Here are some that many Sandwiched Boomers find work for them. Try them, if you haven't already, and see if they work for you.

If hot flashes and night sweats plague you, join the gang. You can: dress in layers, have a personal fan handy to use whenever you need, sleep in a cool room at night, avoid alcohol, spicy foods and others that trigger a hot flash.

Many women in perimenopause just can't get a good night's sleep. If you have a hard time falling asleep or getting back to sleep when your body awakens you, try to create a comfortable bedtime routine and save your bed for intimacy and sleep. It may also help to move your physical exercise to earlier in the day.

Do you find yourself gaining weight - and in all the wrong places? Here the tips are the same ones you've heard all your life: start an eating program that you can maintain, drink lots of water - especially a half-hour before your next meal - find healthful food substitutes. Begin to keep a food diary, noting what, when and where you eat and what you were thinking and feeling at the time. This will help you determine your negative triggers so you can plan to avoid them. Resist buying sweets - if you don't have them handy, you won't have the temptation to grab a quick fix.

Even if you've been the queen of multitasking before you may notice that now you just can't concentrate and focus as well. If so, you may want to simplify your environment and concentrate on only one thing at a time. Make a list of things you want to do and prioritize them. Schedule extra time to go over new information so that you can incorporate it. Identify your greatest stressors and work on techniques to reduce them. To keep your mind sharp, explore and learn about new things, play word games and do crossword puzzles.

When your libido seems to disappear, you and your partner can make some changes. If your sexual desire has decreased, examine your relationship with your significant other and look at life situations that may be affecting your sexuality. You and your partner can focus on creating other kinds of intimacy in your relationship as you rekindle your joint affection, closeness and romance. Explore and enjoy your sensuality - be patient and take small steps. Talk to your doctor about remedies for vaginal dryness.

If all the hormonal, physical and psychological changes you have been going through have led you to feel depressed and anxious, you need to address your emotions. Look for a support group in which to share your thoughts and feelings. Keep a journal to express your feelings and gain some insight. Make exercise a part of your daily routine and utilize stress reduction techniques, such as deep breathing, guided imagery, and meditation. Focus on the positives in your life and acknowledge what you are grateful for. It may help to give of yourself and do something for someone else. Certainly, if your emotional symptoms don't abate, consult a mental health professional.

Life is full of changes - menopause is just one of them. Look at other changes in you life. Just as you have coped before, you will be able to cope now. Recognize your strengths and build on them. Focus on what has worked for you in the past and trust that you will find options that will help you now. Be patient and recognize that working through menopause is an ongoing process that takes time. This is a new chapter in your life. You can write it the way you want!

If one of the changes you have made entails becoming a mother-in-law, be sure to tune in tomorrow when we host a virtual book tour with Sally Shields - author of The Daughter-in-Law Rules. And come with your questions for Sally. She'll be happy to answer them.

The Economy: We are So Screwed

This morning I read a piece by Nouriel Roubini, professor of economics at the Stern School of Business at New York University, that was astounding. If you think the economy is going to turn around anytime soon, you are mistaken. Above, I’ve linked to Roubini’s entire piece and I recommend you read it. In the [...]

change your life:its time to take the wheel

Who is driving the wheel on the ride of your life? change your life You can change your life, shift how you think and how you feel about the different things you experience. By changing the focus from what you do want to what you appreciate and want to experience more of you make a big [...] Related posts:

choose your own change- 3 steps to start down a new path and direction of your choice Are you happy with the direction you are moving in your life? Did you intentionally choose the direction or do ...
The top 7 ways to simplify your life so you can be in the moment, not the to-do list A lot of us were brought up with sayings like no pain no gain and don’t put yourself first you...
You can change the shape of things “of matter” with a thought and your imagination Objects like your computer you are sitting and reading this blog post at are not really solid objects, even...

Drenched

The first shower in a month has got to be one of the sweetest moments! Witness to others but never hurt myself like this before, I had not imagined life could be reduced to such a simple pleasure, celebrating the accomplishment of such a basic need.A month after my accident, I am doing much better, thank you all so very much, and yet am still plagued by a fatigue that brings tears to my eyes,

DOES SIMPLE = CHEAP?

Back in my previous life, as a big-city suburbanite, I was always under the extremely misguided impression that moving to a rural setting, and trying to live a simpler life, would save us tons of money. Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!

True, I never, ever go shopping anymore, just for something to do. I rarely ever buy clothes, furniture, or knick-knacks for the house. I spend much less on restaurants and entertainment, and that amount will probably dwindle even further as time goes on, and we meet more people to socialize and trade supper invitations with. Also, the older we get, the less a trip into the city for dinner and a movie will seem worth those late-night-deer-dodging drives back home. I'm cooking more from scratch, avoiding most of the packaged, processed stuff, and making many of my own cleaning products, too. Best of all, I've rediscovered the joy of handmade gifts.

Despite all that, we still find plenty to spend our money on. For instance, we recently had some selective clearing done on the property. We managed to ignore the need for almost five years, but could no longer deny that scrub cedar and poverty weed had taken over our property to the point that you could no longer see the oaks, which were also full of dead limbs. Cha-ching! Before that, it was the water catchment system. CHA-CHING! Before that, it was paving the terrace, paving the driveway, re-sealing the driveway, refinishing the floors, the roof blowing off, re-refinishing the floors... well, you get the picture. It might have been different if we had started this adventure in our 20's or 30's, when we still had more strength and energy than sense, but doing most of this work ourselves is just no longer an option.

So, no. Not cheap. Just different. But good.

A Short Post from Average Jane

I had appropriated a good idea for a post today, but then I realized that it's too dark to take the photos I wanted to use. Thus, it'll have to wait for tomorrow or maybe even the weekend. In other...

True or Not True? The Real Truth

Yesterday I posted this list and asked my readers to guess which one of these statements is not true:

1. I was suspected of being a drug dealer.
2. We were suspected of being in the witness protection program when we moved to West Virginia.
3. I once directed an upset man with a gun to the governor's mansion.
4. I had four children by the time I was 22.
5. I dropped out of high school.
6. A dress I made myself shrank to skin-tight while I was wearing it when I was caught in a rainstorm. My boyfriend appreciated it.
7. I've been a mail carrier, security guard, betting clerk, tobacco farmer, and teacher.
8. I was a smoker for 20 years before finally kicking the habit.
9. In second grade, I pulled Sister Ernestine's veil off because I wanted to see what color her hair was.
10. We lived without electricity for 15 years.

Number 2 and number 5 got the most votes, although since I made a mistake (geesh) when I typed number 2 I should probably throw it out. Here's the REAL truth:

1. I was suspected of being a drug dealer.
This is true. When we moved to this farm, people were suspicious of the amount of cash we had, our long hair, that painted van. The explanation: drug dealers! I can honestly say I've never been a druggie at any time in my life.

2. We were suspected of being in the witness protection program when we moved to West Virginia.
This is the one I messed up when typing, so those of you who guessed it was not true before I revised it were actually right. Again, because we moved to West Virginia and up this holler when we weren't related to anyone here and had cash to buy the land, this was one explanation that a few people came up with. Mighty creative! The truth was far simpler: we lived in the Washington DC area and our house doubled in value. Land here was SO cheap in 1974, and houses where we came from were so much more expensive, we had cash to buy with.

3. I once directed an upset man with a gun to the governor's mansion.
True. When I worked as a security guard, a man came to my guard station demanding to know where the governor was. He was obviously three sheets to the wind, and he had a handgun. So I politely directed him up the street, and called the state police at the governor's mansion to let them know he was coming. I never knew the end of that story, but I can guess.

4. I had four children by the time I was 22.
True. One son at 17, another at 19, the third at 20 and the fourth at 22. Then the fifth at 35!

5. I dropped out of high school.
True. See number 4 above. Back then, you did not go to school if you were pregnant. So I dropped out in my senior year, got married, and had two sons before going to night school to get my diploma. I started college at 36, and finished my Master's degree at 45.

6. A dress I made myself shrank to skin-tight while I was wearing it when I was caught in a rainstorm. My boyfriend appreciated it.
Sorrowfully, too true. It was one of the most embarrassing days of my life. I was 15 and we had walked down to a waterfall at Skyline Drive. While there, a hue storm came up and soaked us. By the time we'd climbed back up the trail, you could see every crease in my body. Mortifying.

7. I've been a mail carrier, security guard, betting clerk, tobacco farmer, and teacher.
True. A wild and varied career. Who would think it would lead to librarian and now facilities manager? Life is full of surprises.

8. I was a smoker for 20 years before finally kicking the habit.
Not true. I've never smoked anything in my life, or had any desire to.

9. In second grade, I pulled Sister Ernestine's veil off because I wanted to see what color her hair was.
True, I'm embarrassed to say. Not actually all the way off, but enough to see that she had red or reddish hair. I was on the playground and pretended it was an accident. I don't think I ever told anyone what I did. Sister did not seem to pay any attention to it, thank goodness.

10. We lived without electricity for 15 years.
True. From 1976 until 1990. It cost too much to run in up here, so we did without it and did quite well, actually. We learned to do many things the old-time ways, and I have never regretted the experience.

So that's the truth. How did you do?

Everyday Heroes

This subject of this week’s Spin Cycle – heroes and bravery – has been unusually difficult for me to tackle, not because I don’t know anyone who is heroic or brave, but because I know so many who are. Let’s face it – it’s easy (or easier) to be heroic or brave when faced with extraordinary [...]

Please Excuse This Interruption ...

** This post was written under the influence of serious narcotics. My pain meds had not yet kicked in when I began writing ... but then they hit me full force. Really, really, full force! Can you tell at what...

Free Schools & Dumb People

Free schools and dumb people is one of the favorite sayings of a friend of mine. This phrase has been front and center in my mind recently because I’ve interacted with several young people between the ages of 18-22 who have dropped out of school. That they are unprepared for their futures is an understatement.

In working as a job counselor part-time for several weeks, I’ve met:

Young people who’ve never worked.
Young people who are under-employed and looking for better work (which they interpret fairly narrowly to mean better pay).

These students are trying to take control of their lives by going back to school to get their G.E.D. or enroll in a high school diploma program.

Some of them are pleasant and keep their appointments, follow-up on suggestions, and read their email messages. Others are salty or surly or too smart to play by “the rules” but not savvy enough (yet) to create their own rule book. One has been court-involved and so is dealing with the reality that this can impede his getting a job. Some have dropped out of high school and alternative programs more than once! Many no longer live with their parents or are trying to earn their way back home by going back to school..

They are children of color and white; U.S. born and immigrant; low-income and solidly middle class.

What they have in common is a lack of preparedness for being adults, a paucity of energy and self-determination, a deficit of vision, and a passivity and complacency that is down-right depressing. Each of them has tugged on my heartstrings and gotten to me.

I long to have superhero-powers to turn back the clock to the pivotal moments in their lives where they veered off course. I want to meet the adults and institutions who’ve failed these young people, all of whom were clearly born with enough intelligence and talent to succeed. What they lack is a clear purpose or direction. Their interests are infuriatingly narrow. Their goals are incredibly small. Getting them to set goals, make an outline for how getting the degree and a job fits into their future plans is nigh impossible.

Most of these young adults have not:

worked for pay (ever)
Participated in extracurricular activities at school or in a community-based program (including organized sports or club
Attended church.

They have been failed. I am especially hurt by the young adults who were born and raised in the U.S.A. and who haven’t taken full advantage of the tremendous blessing our free educational system offers to say nothing of our free libraries. It’s one thing to come from a country where there is no compulsory education or jobs. It’s quite another to have these things and not embrace them.

Working with these American-born young people, I veer from anger (what!) to disappointment (really?) to curiosity (why) to pity (poor kid) to anger again. It is an anger that propels me to action,

to find and create volunteer opportunities to help them build work experiences;
to create resumes from thin air (did you baby-sit?),
to pull references out of them (surely one of your teachers can vouch for you),
to take them out of their comfort zones to see what else is going on,
to dig for their interests and talents.

They don't make it easy. It is hard work to cut through the layers of fear masked as indifference. It is frustrating to see the shrugs of shoulders and listen to yet another response of “I dunno.”

It is striking how they:

Have not learned how to learn or mine for information.
Don’t act but rather react.
Confine themselves to the neighborhoods they grew up in (like they live on a compound to which they are restricted).
Have never really completed anything that they’ve started.
Are dressed in the latest fashions and have cell phones and side-kicks (despite no income).
Limit their internet use for recreation and not for things like finding out what a cover letter is.

They are no longer children but certainly not adults. I work hard for them but not harder than they work for themselves. I speak truth to them – both their harsh realities and the possibilities that are available to them if they can imagine a bigger life and create a plan and go for it.

I encourage them: this is where you are but this is not where you have to remain!

I started out this post with the phrase, “free school and dumb people.” I will end it with another phrase that contains free, “free your mind and your ass will follow.” (a politer version is “free your mind and the rest will follow” but I don’t feel particularly polite right about now.

AFTER MIDNIGHT

Is This Week Over Yet??

Sometimes it just seems like everything hits at once. Sometimes “everything” is great and sometimes it’s not so great, right? I’ve been really antsy the past few weeks but yet I feel like I’m sitting in one place just spinning my wheels and going nowhere. Or maybe it’s all these sub-contractors that keep not showing [...]

Elder Abuse: Financial Exploitation

Financial exploitation is the second most common form of elder abuse. Exploitation is theft, pure and simple. Theft by strangers includes lottery scams, telemarketing and sweepstakes fraud, identity theft, and other con games. But theft by those who aren’t strangers is more subtle, hidden, and insidious.

Unfriend or Defriend? Luke Russert Weighs in for NBC as Congressional Correspondent

“Unfriend” is the word of the year, as declared by the New Oxford American Dictionary. Congressional correspondent Luke Russert (and son of St. Timothy of Buffalo) corrected the “Unfriend” report saying, “the kids say ‘Defriend.’ Oxford Dictionary should find that out.” “the kids”, yeah, Luke Russert called Facebookers “the kids.” Unfriend Luke Russert! Defriend Luke Russert! Deface Luke Russert! Unbook Luke [...]

How to get the most from your Social Security benefits

One of the biggest fears most older Americans face is running out of money in their retirement years. And yet these same Americans don’t take full advantage of one of the best resources to address this fear–Social Security benefits, which provide a lifetime income that ranges from 25 percent to 45 percent of their [...] Related posts:

Go Behind The Scenes for a Sneak Peek at Multiple Sarcasms

Huh!?! Should I be flattered or insulted that a PR flack sent me a pre-release sneak peek of a movie coming out this spring called Multiple Sarcasms? Yeah, flattered. Multiple irreverences/Multiple Sarcasms, it fits here. It’s a movie about a play about a life that is falling apart. Huh!?! I may have just moved over to the insulted side [...]

Grounded.

We talked more than is customary today in my yoga class. Everyone was feeling the stress of the Nor' Easter we experienced last week. Although much of the water has receded, and the clean up is well under way, there was a lot of lingering stress.

One woman was alone, and afraid. Others were dealing with the smell and mess of marsh water and mud in their yards and homes. Some found the winds the most frightening aspect of the storm.
The class managed to combine the benefits yoga provides for stress relief with the companionship and support of caring people.

That is one of the most important parts of the group for me. That, and sitting on the floor- being grounded. Since I stopped working with children, I rarely sit on the floor or the ground. It is crucial, at least to me, for well-being. It anchors me, it the best sense of the word. It connects me to the earth in the same way sitting on the beach does; and it is going to be some time before I can get back to the beach. Parts of the refuge will be open this afternoon, but for some time to come, access will be limited. Yoga twice a week will have to suffice for now.

Sad Ending to the Shaniya Davis Story

I, like many others in North Carolina, am shocked, saddened and even outraged over the death of little Shaniya Davis. This is the five-year-old who was being used as a sex slave by her mother, 25-year-old Antoinette Davis. Shaniya's body was discovered Monday in a rural area---several days after her mother reported her missing from their mobile home.

Here's the timeline according to Fayetteville Police:

Davis called police at 6:53 a.m. one week ago today to report that her daughter was missing.

Davis told police the last time she saw the child was at 5:30 a.m. inside their mobile home.

At 6:11 a.m. that day, a surveillance camera at a Sanford hotel recorded Shaniya in the arms of a man identified as Mario Andrette McNeill, 29, of Fayetteville.

On Monday, police said McNeill left the hotel with Shaniya at 7:30 a.m.

In a news release issued today, Fayetteville Police say Shaniya was alive when she left a Sanford motel. What happened between then and yesterday's discovery is still a mystery.

Meanwhile, Anotinette Davis sits in jail charged with human trafficking and felony child abuse. Her mother is maintaining her innocence, saying her daughter would never do anything to hurt her child. Let me say this, never say what your children won't do because they will make a liar out of you. Just ask me. I could've sworn my teenage daughter wasn't having sex but now I have a grandson.

One more sick piece of this horrific story is the fact that this human trafficking, child abusing mother is PREGNANT AGAIN!

http://babyboomerbev.podOmatic.com/rss2xm1 http://www.talk2bevpodcast.com/audios/goingtochicago.mp3

I Admit It: I Was a Home Depot Addict

When I bought my first house in the summer of 1994, I would venture out several times a week with a friend to the local Home Depot. I would spend scads of money and come home after dark with a car full of stuff — paint, concrete, plants, light fixtures, and on and on. It [...]